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Squash the Squabbling
by Mia Cronan
We've all heard the theory
that most marital problems start with money problems. But how does one define
money problems?
They could stem from any of the following:
A couple who can't talk about the family
budget without arguing
Two people who came from diametrically
opposed economic backgrounds
Parents who don't want to damage their
children's psyches by denying them material goods
People who have been dealt a bad hand and are
struggling with the financial impact
A couple who have simply gotten in over their
heads and just can't get ahead
So what can we do to prevent these problems from
starting in the first place? We really should begin before the wedding bells
even chime! I know, it's not romantic to discuss credit cards and checking
accounts, but it's not particularly warm and fuzzy to talk about it as a
married couple, either. Here are a few things that you can still incorporate
into your money routine well after the honeymoon:
| PICK ONE PERSON TO
HANDLE DAILY MONEY MATTERS |
I've talked to couples who have both wanted to
be involved in paying bills, choosing long distance companies, balancing the
checkbook, costing out home or car repairs, and the rest. This is one area
where togetherness might not yield the best results. That's not to say that the
other person must remain odd man out, his or her opinions should certainly be
sought. But in assigning the tasks to the more motivated money person, you're
accomplishing a few things:
a. You're ensuring that one system is
established and not confused with other ideas or methods, even if it's as
simple as filing paid bills and receipts in an old shoebox!
b. You're avoiding the ugly finger-pointing if
something were to fall through the cracks. You won't hear, "I thought YOU
were going to pay the car insurance premium!" You'll know who's supposed
to do it.
c. You're avoiding the stepping-on-toes things,
and you'll be able to build up trust and confidence that each person is quite
capable of handing his or her tasks.
| DISCUSS WHO WILL
OVERSEE THE LONG-TERM FINANCIAL PLAN |
You may find that it's not the day-to-day money
person. In our case, I deal with the daily money matters, but my husband is
very in tune with the pension plan, 401K, etc... Basically, I don't have a clue
about that, but I can tell you in under a minute how much we spent on
electricity for the past six months. This works for us.
| ESTABLISH AN EMERGENCY
SAVINGS POOL OF THREE TO SIX MONTHS' WORTH OF INCOME |
Ok, I can hear some of you laughing. I know how
hard this is in this day and age. If you are a one-income family, it's
especially challenging. But stocking aside a little every month for a while
will build those funds, and you'll have them if you need them. It might mean
backing off on the Christmas presents one year, but it can be done with
diligence.
It's important that you both have clear visions
of your spouse's financial goals so that you can either help each other achieve
them, or hammer out the differences before trouble starts. By setting goals,
you'll have a real, objective, measurable means of tracking your progress. And
having clear-cut figures to discuss takes the guess-work and ambiguity out of
your financial chats.
| ESTABLISH A DOLLAR
AMOUNT YOU CAN'T EXCEED WITHOUT DISCUSSING A PURCHASE TOGETHER |
This will prevent any explanations or
justifications later when a spouse heads into a middle-age crisis and can't
live another day without a red convertible. The benchmark might be $100 or it
might be $1000. That's up to you, your financial situation, and your lifestyle.
This includes life insurance and retirement
account beneficiaries, and your wills. Being on top of that will prevent
problems in the future when your mind needs to be focused on other things. If
you've had a baby, get a social security number for the little one as soon as
you can, so that you can start benefiting from the implied tax breaks. By
completing a W-4 form, you're entitled to a tax exemption, worth a little over
$2,500 a year for each dependent child. So rather than waiting for nice big tax
refund, keep your own money and invest it as you like. Why give the government
an interest-free loan?
That having been said, I'm sure you noticed a
common theme here: Communication. It's imperative, as in any marital situation.
Keep talking about it, and if the conversation gets heated, blow the whistle
and agree to discuss it when emotions have cooled. And here's a neat trick:
Hold hands when you talk. They say it's much harder to fight with your spouse
when you're holding hands!
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