Newborn Tips
By Todd Pinsky

Bonding

This is a continuation of the mother-child relationship that began in the womb. However, since the baby is now a distinctly separate physical entity, some people feel the child should be "bonded" before the relationship is allowed to continue. Many parents feel that as soon as the bond is paid and their child is issued a bond number, they will know their new child is reliable. If a bond cannot be secured at the hospital you may wish to call a bondsman. In any case, there is little evidence that a lack of early bonding is detrimental, and many pediatricians downplay the importance of bonding on the grounds that the average newborn is not a flight risk.  

Calming Your Baby

You new fathers out there might have noticed that babies like motion, but did you know that it's not just any old movement that can prevent the infant's heartbreaking squall? Recent studies have shown that the inner ear mechanisms of most babies are so sensitive that they are actually able to tell the difference between useful and useless motion. Most babies, like Emma, prefer useless motion. As long as I'm shuffling along aimlessly or bobbing pointlessly from foot to foot everything's just fine, but if I lean over to read something or to place a dish in the sink, she goes off like a car alarm. She requires my full attention. No multi-tasking.  

Diapers

Just like with everything else, you've got some decisions to make regarding your baby's diapers. You can use cloth diapers or disposables. The cloth ones are specially designed and are about as absorbent as porcelain. Nowadays you can get them with built-in plastic snaps, but if adventure's your game go ahead and use pins. Disposable diapers work so well that the only way you know they need changing is when your child is suddenly too heavy to lift. At least you get the chance to do your patriotic duty and support the landfill industry. Convenience is what it's about, anyway. Who wants to wash diapers? We got lucky and received a few months worth of diaper service as a gift. If you're nostalgic you can always wash them yourself. If you're really nostalgic you can go smash two hydrogen atoms together and make your own water first.

Above all, allow yourself to fall in love with your baby. Do not be alarmed if he looks more like Babe Ruth or Alfred Hitchcock than you or your mate. You are still in a state of shock from the birth experience. Soon your body will manufacture the hormones that cause you to suddenly recognize cuteness in anyone, and in no time at all you'll be able to look at a photo of Babe Ruth and say, "Awww, no wonder they called him 'Babe."

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