You know you're drinking too much coffee when ...
Author Unknown 

If you’re a coffee drinker, you’ll love this one…and maybe even relate to it!

• you answer the door before people knock.
• Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
• you ski uphill.
• you grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
• you haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
• you lick your coffeepot clean.
• you're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
• your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
• you chew on other people's fingernails.
• your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
• you can type 60 words per minute ... with your feet.
• you can jump-start your car without cables.
• All your kids are named "Joe."
• you don't need a hammer to pound nails.
• your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
• you don't sweat, you percolate.
• you buy Half & Half by the barrel.
• you've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
• you go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
• you walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
• you forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
• you've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
• people get dizzy just watching you.
• you've worn the finish off your coffee table.
• the Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
• Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
• your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
• instant coffee takes too long.
• when someone says "How are you?" you say, "Good to the last drop."
• you want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
• your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
• you're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
• you have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
• you can thread a sewing machine, while it's running.
• you can outlast the Energizer bunny.
• you short out motion detectors.
• you don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
• your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
• you think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
• you don't tan, you roast.
• you can't even remember your second cup.
• you help your dog chase its tail. 

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