Where's The Respect With This Job?
by Mia Cronan

There have been many times I’ve realized that, in the two years that I’ve been a stay-at-home mom, I have learned more about time management, efficiencies, ecologies of resources, and mental preparedness than I did during the many years I spent working for a large established company.

We’ve talked before about how difficult it can be telling co-workers or family members that the time has come for us to stay home full-time with our kids. Oftentimes, what should prompt cheers and encouragement instead results in comments like, "Why are you wasting your education?," and, "Won’t you miss doing something with your brain?" Well! Anyone who’s ever stayed home with their children for any length of time knows that it takes brains to raise kids. There have been many times I’ve realized that, in the two years that I’ve been a stay-at-home mom, I have learned more about time management, efficiencies, ecologies of resources, and mental preparedness than I did during the many years I spent working for a large established company. And that company even had training programs and classes to teach that stuff!

Now what I’m saying is not meant in any way to criticize those moms who choose to work outside the home. That is their choice, and they are entitled to it. My goal here is to provide some additional insight and affirmation for those moms who have chosen to stay home and, at times, struggle with the decision.

Our society has placed so much emphasis on the material rewards of hard work, that it has failed to recognize that good parenting has more valuable rewards; not just for the parents, but for the children, too. Is being a stay-at-home mom harder work than holding down a job outside the home? It’s certainly a different kind of hard work, and it deserves respect, as well. If you ever go through a period of time when you wonder if you’ve made the right decision to stay home with your kids, ponder the following. (And bear in mind, we’ve all been there, whether due to a comment heard from a loved one about wasting our education, or struggling to get the bills paid after cutting your household income way back, or dealing with the lack of your own personal income.)

What did we contribute to while working outside the home? For starters, we made someone else look good, right? As SAHMs, we’re making our kids look good, ideally, but the difference is that they’re are kids. As far as I’m concerned that’s a pretty good rationale for staying home. Recent studies have indicated that kids whose parents both worked outside the home turned out just as adjusted as those who were home with a parent. Kind of a kick in the teeth right? Well, if that’s totally accurate information, why do I still relish in the fact that my mother was always home when I got home from school? And, donning her robe and fuzzy slippers, she always sent me off to school in the morning, waving goodbye in the window. Mornings were always chaotic (there were six kids to get off to school), but it wasn’t chaos created because Mom had already left for work. So, if it’s not important that moms are home with their kids, why was that such a constant source of comfort to me? I also consider the fact that my husband has been transferred within his company three times in three years. In other words, my three and a half year-old daughter has lived in four states now. I feel very good about the fact that I am a constant in a constantly changing world for her. I don’t have to search for a new job in each city, nor do I have to switch her day care provider in each city.

How about the part where we give up a very personal ingredient in the whole mix? I’m referring to our very own paycheck. Obviously, this means a significant decrease to the household income. Furthermore, it means that we are totally dependant on our husbands to "bring home the bacon." Take it one step further, and consider the fact that we are pretty much forced to spend what we might think of as "his" money. If other husbands out there are like mine, however, they feel that it’s "our" income. I appreciate that kind of thinking, but I find that it is still somewhat difficult to treat myself to a new article of clothing, makeup, or other such pampering after having provided those things solely on my own in my previous life. But, the important thing is not who brings in the money, but how well, as husband and wife, we work as a team to provide the whole picture for our families. What paymaster signs the checks doesn’t matter - his company's or your's. People who have not been in our shoes may not look at it that way; hence, the public might not appreciate what we do all day long.

Here’s one more thing to cogitate. Have you ever heard the expression, "He who dies with the most toys wins?" I suppose that’s a humorous way to say that material things might matter more than giving our full-time effort toward the development of our children’s morals, values, and store of virtues. At least, that’s one interpretation of the saying. With a major change in budgeting procedures when one parent stays home, it’s usually imperative that some material things are given up. And you probably wondered how you were going to manage it. But you did, didn’t you? And you’re still doing it. It’s amazing how some things can be relinquished, and we really don’t miss them. Somehow we always get through the month without bill collectors knocking down our doors. I truly believe that when forced to change spending habits, we see life from a whole new perspective. Other less tangible things become valuable to us. And it’s nice. Things like long walks and cuddling with a book replace trips to the mall for a spending spree and brand new furniture. Looking far into the future, what would you rather be able to say? That you had the nicest "stuff" or that you gave your kids the most valuable gift you have - your love and your time?

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