HOME ALONE .... Being A SAHM
by Linda Sharp

Guilt at being bored, guilt at needing help, guilt at wanting time away. I noticed that the majority of these moms were first time moms, coping with learning and exhaustion and reality.

My name is Linda, and I am a stay at home mom. Sheeeeesh, doesn't THAT sound like a confession at the beginning of a 12 Step Program? It's a shame to say, but admitting my status as SAHM, still causes me discomfort. Like many stay at home moms, I watched with interest the Oprah show dealing with "Dealing With Being A Stay At Home Mom". I watched the women weep, rant, grouse, effuse and weep some more. I listened as they talked of isolation, boredom, tedium, Pablum . . . I also noted how many of them spoke of husbands who did not help enough, understand enough, support enough. So many common chords were being struck, that you could practically hear the "Mom-allujah Chorus" being sung throughout the land! What stuck with me most though, was a single word that kept surfacing. GUILT. Guilt at being bored, guilt at needing help, guilt at wanting time away. I noticed that the majority of these moms were first time moms, coping with learning and exhaustion and reality.

When I brought my first daughter home and made the decision to stay home with her, I envisioned days of happiness, bonding, a mellowness of mothering, if you will. Let's just say, that by child number three, I have learned several things I feel the need to pass on to my "sisters".

TAKE YOUR TIME: You will quickly learn that NO ONE is going to give you any. I don't care how wonderful your husband may be — and I happen to have a great one — he did not realize the extent to which I needed even fifteen minutes of down time. Don't wait to be offered a nugget of nanoseconds, just state very simply, "I am locking myself in the bathroom, closet, pantry, car, foot locker" . . . and do it. Do not worry that he does not know how to care for the child(ren). There is no better way to learn than by DOING.

GUILT IS FOR THE COURTROOMS: Staying at home all day and dealing with children is THE hardest job on the planet. Anyone who tells you different has never done it. We Moms have a tendency to think we are no longer allowed the normal range of human emotions. Wrong. You are supposed to feel taken for granted. You are supposed to feel resentful from time to time. You are supposed to have overwhelming highs and lows. You are no less a human being for having spewed forth life. Besides, NO ONE can expect to feel constantly fulfilled by wiping bottoms, folding laundry and reading Green Eggs & Ham ten times a day.

DO NOT STAY AT HOME!: All the while you are sitting there feeling so alone, do you realize how many other moms are sitting in their homes feeling the exact same thing? Start a playgroup, join a playgroup, talk to other moms in the store, the mall, the McDonald's play area. I can honestly say I look at playdates with more excitement than my three year old. It is my weekly guarantee to talk with grown-ups, laugh, commiserate and come away feeling GOOD.

SOCIETY IS WRONG: That undercurrent I mentioned is there, that cannot be denied, but we do not have to get swept away by it. YOU know your value. YOU know you are doing something intangible, yet immensely important. YOU know who you were and more importantly, who you are. (You did not push out brain cells when you pushed out the baby.) YOU are not less for staying home, you are more. (And I am not talking about cellulite and stretchmarks!)

I look back on my life B.C. (before children) and can still see a young
woman, totally immersed in her career, her social life, herself. What I
wore, who I dated, how much money I made were my priorities. THAT person seems like a dream and a lifetime away. Though I am now, no less educated or fashion conscious (you should see me in sweats and a ponytail as I saunter through the Wal-Mart store), and I am the social butterfly of the playgroup set, my life A.C. (After children), revolves around others. Their schedules, their needs, their poop. MY CHOICE. I get the frustration of having an audience when I use the bathroom, the pain of stepping on another Happy Meal toy in the dark, and the unadulterated pleasure of cleaning vomit at 2 in the morning from the shag carpet. I also get the "Mommy, I love you,"s and the hugs that come from their tiny hearts.

Yes, I do daydream about what life will be like when these little ladies of
mine have flown the coop. I dream of the day I will get in the car and head
somewhere of my choosing. I dream of leaving my bedroom door opened and unlocked when my husband gives me that look. (At least, he better still be giving me that look!) I dream that I shall clean my house and look back over my shoulder to find it ...... still clean. I dream....well, I trust you get the picture.

As for society and its view of my position? Well, society can take a flying
leap. The life I am living, playing taxi, changing diapers, and learning the
words to Spice Girl songs for my 7 year old, is better than anything I could
have ever dreamed B.C. My name is Linda. I am a SAHM ... and proud of it!

Linda Sharp is an internationally published humorist who writes regularly on the joyous and frustrating world of parenting. Her work appears across the Internet and wraps around the globe in parenting publications from Canada to Malaysia.

Linda is co-creator of the award winning website, Sanity Central — A Time Out From Parenting! Located at www.sanitycentral.com , it is totally irreverent, hysterical and packed with enough laughs to brighten even the weariest of parents! Linda is also the force behind the upcoming SAHM....AND PROUD OF IT global campaign to recognize the hardest job on the planet An apparel line proudly proclaiming the SAHM status will soon be available!  As a mother of three children (four if you count her husband), she firmly believes that laughter IS the best medicine. She may be reached via email at lsharp03@aol.com . Linda and her family currently shiver in the High Desert Country of central Oregon.

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