Keep Your Power Your Own
By Julie Jordan Scott

Keeping one's personal power during stressful times may be a challenge, but not impossible. Radio talk show host Dr. Laura Schlessinger reminded this author of a very important truth.

I always get a personal chuckle when I watch people's reactions when I tell them that I have spoken to national talk radio Moral Temperature Gage Dr. Laura Schlesinger on her radio program. The first reaction? Widening eyes. The second reaction? A simple, "WOW!" The third reaction? "Was she really rude to you?" My answers are also simple. "I talked to her before her show went national, so I actually spoke to her twice! And she was not rude at all! She was quite caring and giving. Not at all acerbic. Not at all overbearing. Not at all judgmental."

What Dr. Laura did give to me was a very important lesson: to not give my personal power to others. To not allow what others think or feel to influence how I behave or how I react to my grief over the loss of my children or the loss of my fertility. To claim for myself what is good and right and important to me and my family, and while respecting others and their opinions, knowing that for me, at the height of my grieving, that I must hold the mustard seed of power that I have tightly.

The occasions on which I called Dr. Laura were those usual rough spots in the road for grieving families. The first call was on the Eve of my first Mother's Day after my daughter Marlena died. The second call was made on Eve of Thanksgiving when I was expecting my second daughter, Katherine which was eighteen months later. On Mother's Day Eve, I was a Childless Mother. After struggling for three years to conceive and finally bringing forth a much wanted baby girl it was a tragic sentence, beyond belief, to have her die before I even got to feel her breathe outside my womb. I called Dr. Laura mostly as an appeal to the Los Angeles community to remember Moms like me. Moms who can't physically hold their beloved children on the day when Moms are revered. Moms who may or may not be recognized as mothers by the outside world.

On Thanksgiving Eve, I was anticipating a somewhat joyful celebration, since I was having another "successful" pregnancy. On the spur of the moment, my husband invited his mother and brother to share the day with my extended family. The brother he invited is the one who skipped my daughter's funeral. He is the one who in my eyes completely devalued my little ones life. The one who proclaimed "If I ever have a girl, I am going to put it back in to cook longer." I was very upset about this turn of events, convinced that my Thanksgiving would be "ruined" by the physical presence of my husband's brother. And Dr. Laura's advice was simple and straightforward, and so appropriate for individuals dealing with family members and others during the inevitable holiday celebrations.

Simply stated, Dr. Laura told me to not give my power away to my brother in law. By becoming upset and sad and flustered by his very presence, I was allowing him to take away my joy of the day. By focusing on him, I wasn't focusing on what Thanksgiving is about: being Thankful to God for the many blessings he bestows upon us throughout the year. And who was I hurting most in the process? I was hurting myself! I was hurting my husband!

As for my brother in law? I doubt he would neither notice nor care a whole heck of a lot. Dr. Laura in her wisdom suggested I greet my brother in law and say pleasantries, and things like, "Please pass the stuffing" and get on with my day. Not dwelling on his presence, but not ignoring it either. That way, I kept my power and presence intact. I could feel joy as the child inside my womb kicked and danced, and quietly remember my baby who was gone, as well as the little one who never had been conceived. I could focus on the wonderfulness of life. The possibilities of the future instead of hurts from the past. Keeping my power my own, I could embrace the future with assurance that all would be right with my world.

Julie Jordan Scott is Director of Live Passionately Today Coaching Services. She is also a Writer and Motivational Speaker. For a list of Free Teleclasses that Julie is offering, as well as lots of free goodies about Passionate Living, visit her website at http://www.5passions.com

E-mail: 5passions@bigfoot.com
Author's URL: http://www.5passions.com  

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