A Chain Reaction
by Edwina Patterson

Tom slams the backdoor, throws his briefcase down on the table, and glares at Susie.  “When will dinner be ready?” he demands.  Susie begins to explain that it will be a little late tonight because of carpool responsibilities, dance lessons, and the fact that Johnny forgot his jacket at soccer practice.  They had to make a trip back to the soccer field to retrieve it.

Tom isn’t interested in excuses and says so.  He’s tired and hungry.  He’s had a terrible day.  Mr. Johnson humiliated him at the board meeting, his secretary forgot to remind him of a luncheon appointment, his computer crashed and lost important data, and the traffic progressed at a snail’s pace on the way home. 

Susie’s day hasn’t been strawberries and whipped cream either.  The toilet overflowed onto the new carpet, Danny fell and broke a tooth necessitating a trip to the dentist, one of her checks bounced, and she still had to bake two dozen cookies for Johnny’s Cub Scout meeting.

Before either Tom or Susie knew what was happening, an argument ensued, spilling over onto the children.  Tom began to holler at Johnny for forgetting his jacket.  He was angry about the dentist’s bill, and little Julie had left her toys strewn all over the house.  Susie was furious at Tom’s reaction and insensitivity.  “How dare him come into this house and take his horrible day out on us!” bristled Susie. 

A chain reaction.  Mr. Johnson was angry at Tom.  Tom is frustrated at his secretary, the traffic, and his wife.  Susie is exasperated at the problems she’s faced all day and resents Tom’s temper.  Their home is in an uproar with the children receiving the blunt of the anger. 

Almost unconsciously, in the routines of family living our children adopt from us their basic philosophy of life – their style of living, their attitudes about themselves, the world, and other people.  It is from us that they develop their likes and dislikes, their ideas about right and wrong, and their concepts of the most important things in life.  Not only that, but they learn from us how to express themselves – their feelings, fears, needs, desires, and ambitions. 

If your home is filled with a lack of peace and arguing between parents, your children will begin to exhibit agitation in their lives.  Children are like little sponges absorbing everything around them.   Parents are children’s first, most effective teachers.  No one has more to do with shaping the lives of our children from babyhood to adulthood that we do.  What they are (or become) largely depends on what we teach them (or do not teach them) in our homes.

Learn to be a positive example.  Do they hear a mom and dad speaking kindly and respectfully to each other?  Do they observe parents lovingly serving one another?  Do they see contentment, thoughtfulness, and peace modeled before them?  Contentment must be learned.  If we constantly complain about things, it should not surprise us when our children are dissatisfied with what they have.   Listen to your children.  The phrases they use, the words they say, even their tone of voice is reflective of their parents.

We can create a positive chain reaction in our homes when we realize that marriage comes to us from God.  He designed it and gave away the first bride.  The first thing God did after creation was to establish the home.  God’s first unit was not the church or the school, but the family.

Ask God to wash away all the memories of hurtful words, actions, and motives with the blood of Jesus Christ.  Ask Him to reveal ways that you can show that man of yours how very much you love him.  A good and successful marriage is the result of effort by both husband and wife – every day and hour of its existence. 

Love is the deciding factor in a chain reaction.  If God’s love fills a husband and wife, then the challenges in a day will not be able to cause a troubling reaction.  His love will bind a couple together in spite of difficulties … and it will spill over onto the children.

By osmosis they will learn kindness, thoughtfulness, respect, contentment, trust, and love.  But the greatest of these is love.

Edwina Patterson is a speaker and author of several books and Bible studies, including Redeeming the Time -- Where Do I Begin? and Children Who Glorify God.  She is the founder of A Heart for the Home Ministry as well as host of her original devotionals heard daily on the radio.  Her greatest joys come from being married for 40 years, the mother of three grown children, and the grandmother of six.  For more information, please check her website www.heart-for-home.org or call 1-800-344-8022.