Fireworks Aren't Just for July
by Mia Cronan

I have found that simple communication can really put a spark in things after an exhausting day. Take the time to just listen to each other. 

Sometimes I laugh when I think about how God intended men and women to share their lives together. We are so different! In fact, the differences are mind-boggling to me. The good Lord must be getting a good chuckle up there, watching us go through the daily confusion of trying to understand each other and, at times, compromising things we both feel are important, in order to make the other one happy.

Take for example, socialization outside the home. A lot of at-home moms say that they would love to have more socialization outside of the home. But what we didn’t ask is, "What is preventing this from happening?" In some cases, I would be willing to bet it s the husband, because men just don t seem to need to the companionship that women need. Talking with other women on this topic has taught me that there are a lot of husbands out there who have a curbed interest in fostering new friendships. Oftentimes, they are content to be with their own family or their extended family, but there is little interest in including others in that circle. Many women, on the other hand, seem to thrive on "the more the merrier" kind of thinking. We seem to need an available blanket of support present to wrap around us when things get a little too uncommunicative. The differences between the men and the women can leave the following scenario: The man feels pushed into social situations and is disinterested in showing social graces or efforts, whereby making the wife uncomfortable and feeling as if she has to make excuses for him, and/or the wife feels stifled and unable to accept invitations, leaving her to build resentment over the lack of a social life.

Where does this leave us? Well, I really enjoy the company of my fellow SAHM friends during the day when my husband is at work. We share funny stories, frustrations, ideas on parenting, tips for great dinner recipes, etc... And, periodically, we get together with other couples on the weekends, but not very often. That seems to work out well for us.

The nice part of all of this is the idea that those types of husbands are content to be at home with us. That says a lot, doesn’t it? For some, the word "content" has a negative connotation, as if to say he s bored. I like to think of it as "at peace with a lifestyle." And I' m so glad that' s how my husband is. You could take it a step further, and commit to making your lifestyle as a couple that much more special, if he s the happiest when he s with you. Let s face it...married life with the pitter-patter of little feet around the house is diametrically opposed to the type of life we led as single people, right? There s minimal time for ourselves, and we are (pleasantly) forced to think of others needs before our own.

But what do we do about romance when our homes are bursting at the seams with little ones and their needs? Do you really need candles and a bottle of wine? Or what about lingerie that is totally uncomfortable? I have found that simple communication can really put a spark in things after an exhausting day. Take the time to just listen to each other. And instead of responding with your opinion, listen some more. Really put yourself in your spouse s shoes and try to imagine how he feels about the topic. So often, in the interest of economizing our time, we hear, then we react. And sometimes we don t even hear. My husband has told me several times, "Remember last week when I told you......" No, I don't! Because I wasn’t listening. It’s a sad fact. I get caught up in cooking dinner or paying bills, and he’ll say something that I don' t even hear. This is how I treat the most important person in my life? And he's missed things that I’ve said, too, for the same reasons. Life can be chaos!

Take the time to really listen to your husband next time you have the chance. My bet is he'll do the same for you, too, without even realizing it, because you’ll be in tune with each other again. You don t always need candles and a bottle of wine. Those things are superficial to sparking some romance. When you can treat each other like the best friends that you are, your relationship will go a lot further than it would trying props!

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