I have a client who ''has a big mouth'' so to
speak. She tells people what's on her mind, not to hurt their
feelings, but because it's who she is. She doesn't always think about
HOW she's going to say things, so many times her comments come out
like a burst of hot air. And the person who is hit in the face with
her comments is usually left feeling quite emasculated.
This client isn't a bad person. Actually, she's
a very genuine person who has such a deep need for people to be
respectful of others and of herself, that she finds herself in the
midst of debates just about everywhere she goes. She cannot let a
racial comment ''go,'' she cannot let other's be rude to her; she
simply cannot, or will not, ''let things go.'' She feels that if she
doesn't say something when unjust comments are spoken, that she isn't
doing her part to stop the injustice.
About a year or so ago, my client threw a big
party. No holds were barred, and by the end of the evening, every one
was rowdy and drunk. To make this long story simplified, my client
ended up asking someone in her husband's family to leave the house in
not such a nice way. The family member left and after that, the entire
family disliked my client. They disliked her so much that they started
making up stories about her and her family. They would not invite she
and her husband to their homes for family get-togethers.
Finally, her husband stepped up to the plate and
cleared things away with the family to the point where they could all
be in the same room together. My client and the family member
apologized to each other.
But grudges were still held and hostility still
flourished in this family. Holidays aren't fun, family reunions are
monstrous, and my client knows that her in-laws talk about her every
chance they get.
What do you glean as the moral to this story?
Never to speak your mind because it could get you in trouble? Be
careful who you kick out of your house? Apologize just in case you are
wrong? Or, in-laws stink?
The moral that *I get from the story is this: We
cannot change other people, weather they're right or wrong. We can
only choose our reactions TO others.
Before you write to me and give me your opinion,
and I know many of you will;), consider this: What is it WORTH to be
right? What's it WORTH to push your point? What's it WORTH to deny
YOUR PART in the problem? Just because you may be right, doesn't mean
that you WIN. And I'd venture to say that with each disagreement that
we have, we are to blame in some respect. The challenge is, WHAT ARE
YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?
YourCoach,
Jenette
Jenette@dreamworkscoach.com
E-mail: jenette@focusedlives.com
Author's URL: http://www.focusedlives.com
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