Why He Spends: Understanding the Non-Frugal Dad
by Dave Tilley

They say that the only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys!

There he is, America! He has a job, a family and he isn't exactly the same model that you married so many years ago. He has to come to terms with the fact that he has a mortgage, a family and sometimes he feels like it's all up to him to make it work. 

The stress put on men today seems to be increasing with every new role that fathers and husbands are supposed to fill. It's a scary realization for men when they hear themselves talking like their own father. It's even scarier for them when they realize that dad was making it up as he went along. 

So why does he run up the credit card at the hardware store to get the new paint sprayer, belt sander, drill or air compressor when you really cant afford it or when the money was earmarked for the kids college fund? Sometimes men are secretly ashamed that we cannot provide a better house, newer car, better clothes, toys and other items for our families. With these mad impulse buys we are distracting ourselves from our real financial situation. No man wants to say, " I can't afford that, or I have to wait to have it" or "my children will just have to do without".

Most men say that they work hard every day, every week. They feel that they have to deal with the pressure of the work place and then come home and figure out why the water heater doesn't work, the dryer quit, the car wont start, the mower wont start, the window wont open, etc. So they reward themselves with impulse purchases; it's a way to relax almost, to unwind after a tough week. Some men will buy tools, some men will buy toys, but what most really want to buy is a brief period of sanity and comfort. 

There is a euphoric high when you're walking out of the store with your item, and it lasts for a few days sometimes. But when the paint sprayer has sprayed, the DVD player has played, or the new golf club has been swung, we're still left with all of the problems we had before. 

So how can you help your husband resist the urge to spend? 

Reducing stress is great way to allow men to relax, and when we relax we don't feel the need to impulse spend. My wife does little things for me, some she probably isn't even aware of, that give me the king of the castle feeling without me having to go to Best Buy and plunk down 80 dollars for toys. Just making coffee in the morning and letting me sit and read the paper, uninterrupted, for 45 minutes makes me feel great. I know it sounds simple but hey-give it a try! 

Here are a few things my wife does to help me relax: 

1. Give him about 25 minutes after he gets home from work to decompress. I have about a 6-minute drive to the office and home, its not enough time to filter out my urge to choke the software developers before I arrive in my driveway. 
2. Have a sense of humor. My wife has defused many situations with a laugh or a smile. 
3. Don't remind him that the dryer is broke, the window is stuck etc, every day. He knows, he just hasn't figured out how to fix it yet. 
4. Compliment his accomplishments. A kind word goes so far.

These simple rules have helped me out a lot. I'm not perfect but ask my wife, she will tell you I'm getting a lot better.

© Copyright 2000 Frugal-Moms.com, Inc. 

About the Author

Dave Tilley is the other half of Frugal Moms- he's the resident Frugal Dad, and husband of the editor. Known as "Trivia Man", Dave has more useless knowledge than any other man on the planet. He also chases kids and does stand up comedy.

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