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It's Spring
Alright, But Just WHO Is Getting The Break?
by Linda M. Sharp
As I pushed my
cart loaded with groceries and children down another aisle, I
again looked up to gaze at those like me, and recognized that we
were all on the verge of a Spring Breakdown!!!
I passed by those who looked
like me. Battle-scarred, weary, eyes sunken and drawn. Forward,
forward, urged on by the shrieking in our ears, the ceaseless
poking, pulling and pushing of those who held us prisoner. As we
marched along through the trenches, we acknowledged one another
briefly, our captors ready to pounce should we stop to actually
converse. Was it only one week before that our lives had been
free, peaceful, filled with time to contemplate? What had
happened? Where had these cruel, merciless ones come from?
Diminutive in stature, yet verbose in temperament, they now ruled
my every daylight moment. As I pushed my cart loaded with
groceries and children down another aisle, I again looked up to
gaze at those like me, and recognized that we were all on the
verge of a Spring
Breakdown!!!
Just who's idea was it anyway? Who
thought it was a good idea to let loose all the children, at one
time, at this time of the year? I mean, we have barely recovered
from Christmas and New Year's vacation time, are finally ridding
the house of the last remnants of holiday decorations, enjoying
some semblance of peace and routine in our days, and then WHAM!
Children everywhere you turn! The creator of Spring Break was
surely a child. Or someone without children. Wait a
minute.....same difference. If you have never tasted the nectar of
freedom after having been held captive by a tiny one's needs for
five years, you have not really achieved the status of Adult.
Having three daughters under the
age of eight, my life up to last August was a cycle of pregnancy,
nursing and playgroups. So used to having at least one small one
with me at all times, I would don them like a piece of clothing
and go about my business. When the youngest entered the hallowed
halls of preschool last Fall, suddenly I was able to reclaim a
small piece of my life. Three mornings a week, three hours at a
time, I was free to grocery shop with no fear of chocolate
contraband being dumped in the cart while my back was turned. I
could go to WalMart and never even go near the toys or fish! On
rare occasions, I could even meet friends for breakfast and not
have to cut up anyone's waffles but my own! It may sound pathetic
to those who do not yet have children, but these are HUGE
milestones to those of us who are in the Diaper Changing Hall Of
Fame.
Don't get me wrong, I love my
children. I adore them. In fact, I worship the piles of toys and
dirty clothes they walk on. But I now understand why my own mother
was never near as thrilled as were her four children when school
breaks rolled around. For us, it was time to sleep in, be lazy,
hang with our friends, watch more TV and eat Twinkies at 10am
(when she was busy doing laundry, of course. Sorry, Mom.) For her,
it meant mediating multiple fights, never running an errand alone,
and hearing continual complaints of how we were always out of
Twinkies. Mom, I now feel your pain. In the past week, I have
refereed twelve fights over Barbie (we only have 18), cleaned my
house fifteen times (looking around, sixteen is coming up) and had
my eardrums barraged as the tattle tale quotient has increased
threefold.
Now, while some people plan family
reunions, Hawaiian adventures and Disney-esque excursions around
Spring Break, there are those of us who will be at home, trapped
by scheduling conflicts, domesticity and our checkbooks. If we are
lucky and the weather is nice, we will frequent parks, neighbors
and the Mall for an Icee (tropical punch flavored, of course.
Oooooo, can you say Aloha?)
In their defense, my daughters have
had to put up with me as much as I have had to tolerate them. Poor
things, made to help fold laundry, load the dishwasher and make
their beds every morning. My middle daughter asked me outright, "Is
this what you do all day long? How borrrrr-rrrrrring." No
dear, actually I drop you at school and jet off to either Disney
World, Las Vegas or the Golden Door Spa each day. She then
articulated her desire for Monday to arrive so they may all go
back to school. My darling child, I love you and your siblings
with every ounce of my being, but allow me to be the first to say,
"I SECOND THAT EMOTION!!!!!"
Forward the refugees stumbled,
spurred on by the hope that their captors would free them, return
them to their normal lives, or at the very least, march them past
a drug store and allow them to have their Prozac prescriptions
refilled...
| Linda Sharp is an internationally
read humorist who writes regularly on the joyous and frustrating
world of parenting. She may be read here weekly at
ParenthoodWeb.com and her work wraps around the globe to appear in
publications from Canada to Malaysia. Having been a frequent guest
on the Wall Street Journal Radio Network's Work & Family
program, Linda now wakes up the parents of Oregon with a laugh,
appearing monthly on Good Morning Central Oregon. |
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