5 Keys to Building Strong Families
By Marnie Pehrson 

When operating a home-based business, it can become difficult maintaining a harmonious home and a successful business under one roof. One way to combat this is to put your family first. Here's how.

When operating a home-based business, it can become difficult maintaining a harmonious home and a successful business under one roof. One way to combat this is to put your family first. Here are 5 keys to build family unity and love at home. 

The old adage, ''A family that plays together, stays together'' carries a ring of truth. Set aside times to spend with your spouse and/or children. If you are not married and do not have any children, spend time with the family in which you grew up. Some of my most relaxing times are spent talking with my brothers, sisters and parents at family gatherings. 

Plan family activities, celebrate each other’s birthdays, go to your children’s sports events and musical recitals. Be there for your family during their triumphs. Create traditions in your family. For example, in our family, we celebrate birthdays of aunts, uncles, and cousins with family dinners, cake and ice cream, and good association. In months where several people have birthday’s, we often have one party to celebrate the combined birthdays. 

Giving your children the gift of friendships with their cousins and aunts and uncles is one of the greatest gifts you can give. You are giving them happy memories and friendships that will last a lifetime and beyond. 

Another way to insure that your immediate family has enough activities is to set one night a week aside as a family night. On this night you can tell stories, read books, sing songs, plan activities, go to the movies or the mall together, and counsel with your spouse and children. It is a great way to build unity and love in your family. It insures that you have at least one evening a week as a family. Pick a night that fits all of your schedules, and stick with it. Set that night as an appointment that you will not break. 

If you are married, plan a ''date night'' with your spouse. It is too easy to lose the romance in a marriage over the years, and a home business does not always help. Many home business owners lose themselves in their work, and in the process lose everyone around them. Take one night a week or at least every other week to spend with your spouse. You do not have to do anything expensive. Be creative and do things you both enjoy. Find the things that made you fall in love in the first place, and keep them alive. When a father and mother love each other, the children can sense it. It gives them more security in their lives when home is an enjoyable place to be. 

Contrary to what they would have you believe, children like rules. Of course they would never admit it, but children feel more security and love when rules are in place. When rules are set and followed consistently, children know what to expect. For example, if Johnny knows that if he yells and screams while you are on the phone, he will be sent to his room for five minutes, he’ll learn not to yell and scream. (That is if his room is not an extremely fun place.) Perhaps a corner may be better? Yet, if 50% of the time you do nothing with Johnny when he yells and screams, and the other 50% you send him to the corner, he learns to take his chances. 

The hardest thing to me with children is being consistent. Consistency is especially difficult when you run a business from home. You are so busy that you overlook things. You let things slide. In the process, your children learn the most opportune times to get away with things. They especially know how to take advantage of your busiest times. They know Mommy or Daddy will not hang up on that important call to send them to their room. So that is when they will hit their younger siblings, yell, scream, and climb in the kitchen cabinets. You may think I’m saying that children are devious and manipulative. I’m not saying that so much as I’m saying that they are smart little human beings with natural tendencies. It is human nature to try to get away with what we can, unless we have some firm morale background that dictates otherwise. 

This is how rules help. Rules provide a firm moral background for children. When rewards for obeying rules and punishments for disobeying them are offered consistently, children feel more secure. They know that their parents love them and care about them. They may not always like the rules, but they will learn to respect your rules and love you more for it over time. 

If you have children and teens, you may be better off setting fewer ''little rules'' and being more consistent in enforcing and rewarding the more important ones. You must be the judge in your own family, but remember consistency is the key.

When you are busy with your business, some people in your life will naturally get lost in the shuffle. Do not let those people be your family. I have five children, each with totally different personalities. My oldest daughter is ''the boss.'' She demands attention, and usually gets it. My second son ''demands'' attention in his own sweet way. He gives me a hug or a kiss. He knows just how to ask for things, ''We could make cookies!'' he positively questions with a sweet grin. His advances are irresistible. But, my oldest son, is not so demanding in his requests for attention. Because of this, in the past I feel I have let him be lost in the hurry. He’s a very good boy who does not demand much or trouble much. He’s my easiest one, yet I reward him the least, because I am so busy. This is a perfect example of ignoring a family member’s needs. 

Each member of our family needs to feel of worth. Our spouses need to be encouraged in their careers, and our children need us to go to their sporting events and recital. They need us to praise them in front of other people while they are within earshot. These things build their self-esteem. Most important, they need our time and attention. They need us to listen. 

There are many types of families in this world. There are single parents, traditional families, and single people who live alone or with extended family. Yet, no matter the size or shape of your family, you need goals. People who work together toward a common goal and share common values learn greater love for each other, a spirit of teamwork, cooperation, and harmony. Without some common goals, each family member will wander in his or her own direction. This is what happens in many marriages where people married young, and then divorce in their 30's-40's because they do not have anything in common anymore. Each partner set their own goals, with no thought for their spouse. Although each spouse may have succeeded in their own goals, their directions were totally different. They become completely different people than when they first married. They maintained no common ground. 

Do not let this happen to you and your family. Set goals together -- even if those goals are not major. Even a small goal worked toward together will bring unity. Some goals you could set as a family might be the following: 


Plan and save toward a vacation together; 
Clean out and remodel your basement as a family; 
A husband and wife could work and save for a new car; 
Select and hunt for a new home together; 
Work and set plans for your home business together; 
Work together to help a family member through a difficult school subject; 
Give quiet, study time to a parent who wants to go back to school. 
Discover ways you can set goals in your own family. If you incorporate family nights for your family, you could use these nights to set goals, and work on family projects. Start with goals you know you can attain to build confidence. As you build a habit of goal-setting within your family, you can work toward more challenging goals. Always set goals that are attainable and worthwhile to all family members. 
Periodically Evaluate Family Strengths and Weaknesses 

Use your family nights to evaluate the progress you are making toward your goals. Use them as family councils to decide strategies and plans of actions for your family. 

Some families even go as far as to schedule ''interviews'' with their children each month. They talk to each child about his school work, his challenges, and his friends. Of course, this should never be done in an interrogating way, but as one friend talking with another. 

Learn to find the hidden talents in others. Help your spouse and children see areas in which they are talented, and help them set goals toward progressing within those areas. 

It’s also important to see the weaknesses in your children so that you can help them. For example, some children are competitive and others are not. We should never force a noncompetitive child to participate in a highly-competitive sport against his/her will. Many parents try to live their lives through their children, and force them to relive their glory days. This may be fine with a child with an athletic talent, but can damage the esteem of one that does not. 

Learn to recognize the strengths and weaknesses of your spouse and children, and help them develop their God-given talents. This will not only help them build their self-esteem, but will also let them know just how much you love them. 

This is an excerpt from the Web-based course, ''Keeping Your Sanity in a Home Business'' by Marnie L. Pehrson. For more information on this course, visit http://www.pwgroup.com/ces/ceskeep.html. 


E-mail Marnie: webmaster@ideamarketers.com
Marnie's web sites: 

http://www.pwgroup.com and http://SheLovesGod.com 

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