I never thought I’d be one of those moms who seem to have everything figured out, make TikTok-worthy Bento boxes, and write little love letters on sticky notes. But, here I am, sipping on my morning coffee, pondering the brevity of life, and searching for a piece of paper and a pen.
I’m thinking of creeping back to your room, scooping you off the bed, and rocking you back to sleep. I’m aware of the silliness of my thoughts, though, and I’m more than willing to write them down, wait for you to wake up, and share them with you once you’re aware of what’s going on.
I’m giggling at the thought of waking you up with my embrace, rambling about how much I love you and how I don’t know where I would be without you, and smooching your sleepy (and confused) face. But, I’m not going to do that. Instead, I’m going to write you a letter.
My dearest,
I remember the moment I found out I was pregnant. I thought I was dreaming – I took a deep breath, touched my bare belly to check whether there was a sign or two that would reassure me, and rushed to your daddy to share the news. I cried the moment he uttered “We’ve got this.”
I spent the next nine months patiently waiting to meet you. I painted the walls of your room, decorated your crib with a bunch of pillows, and bought every baby-related thing that caught my attention.
I sang you to sleep every night even before you were born. I believed you could hear my voice and I kept singing even when everyone around me thought I was crazy.
I loved you from the moment I found out I was pregnant. Watching you grow has been one of my greatest gifts and there’s nothing you could do to change how I feel about you. I will always love you, remember that.
I will always be there for you.
I don’t even know why I’m sitting here, pouring my heart out, and sobbing over the fact that you’re growing up before my eyes. I guess I’m surprised because I didn’t believe I’d be good at parenting at all. I was scared I would make one too many mistakes and mess you up. Luckily, I didn’t.
I see you. I see how caring and compassionate you are with your friends. I see how generous you are with your classmates. And, I see how polite you are with your teachers.
Believe me, I will always be there for you. No matter what you’re going through, no matter how much you mess up. And no matter how hard you fall, I will be there to help you get up, dust yourself off, and continue where you left off.
I know that’s probably never going to happen because you’re destined for greatness. But I need you to know that, as long as I’m around, you will always have someone to turn to.
I know you don’t like sleeping on your own. Although you’re too proud to admit you’re scared of the dark, I know you dread the moment you need to go to your room, turn off the lights, and run to your bed. And, I know you whisper “I’ve got this!” under your breath when nobody’s paying attention.
You fight hard to keep your eyes closed, but you open them now and then to check whether there’s a monster somewhere out there.
You hide under your blanket and, when you decide you’re safe enough, you nod off. You don’t even know I’m right there, watching over you, making sure you’re safe and sound. But I am. And, I always will be. I will lay with you every night as long as you need me.
You will always be my baby, no matter what happens, no matter how big you get, and no matter how old you grow.
You’re big now (I know that because that’s what you tell me every single day!), but that doesn’t change a thing. You will always be little to me.
You’ve grown to be smart, caring, and compassionate. You’re strong, brave, and warm-hearted. You’re curious like your dada and stubborn like your mama.
You say everything we say (even the things you aren’t supposed to repeat!) and you move the same way we move. You’re a sponge, you observe the world around you and you absorb everything you see.
You will always be my heartbeat, you know. You will always be my strength, my weakness, my everything. And, you will always be my baby.
You will always have a friend to turn to when things get tough, a shoulder to cry on when you’re sad, and a home to come back to.
I know you think I don’t have enough time for you, and that’s on me. I’m always rushing to finish an unfinished task – to prepare food, do the dishes, do the laundry, clean the kitchen, vacuum, wipe, dust, and repeat everything every day.
I’m always struggling to figure out whether I should be spending more time with you or taking care of the house. I’m trying to make everyone happy, but I’m overwhelmed. And, when I take a peek beneath your blanket, I wonder where did the time go.
When did you get so big? When did your little legs grow past the teddy bears on your bed sheets? When did your little arms extend past the pillow and over your head?
You will always have me.
You’re not little anymore, but you will always be my baby.
You will always have a friend to listen to you ramble on and on for hours, laugh at your silly stories, and draw funny faces on sticky notes. You will always have someone to lean on when things get tough. You will always have someone to call when you’re happy, sad, or confused. You will always have me.
Love, Mom.
